Lily Evans (charmedlily) wrote,
Lily Evans
charmedlily

Bad Day

I'm not sure of anything any more. Not in what I want; not in who everyone is; or anything. I just don't know what to do. Sirius says that he just feels this way about me, then all I can do is stare. He's a great guy ... but he's Sirius. The guy who I thought I'd hate until the day I die! It's not fair. I just want to scream and cry, and Godric I'm acting like a prat about it. If about any other girl at school would be thrilled to be informed of what Sirius told me, then why am I wanting to hide away for a while? I feel so guilty now... What happened, again?

I tried a million times to think of what to write to Sirius about it all. Hex it private, you know. But then I decided that I just didn't know what to say, and I had to just give up. This is making me sick. I want to go after him and just be around, but then I want to avoid him... I'm doomed. There's no way to get myself out of this.

---

Well, I woke up this morning and had the friendly greeting of, "LILY! GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND CLEAN THIS UP! AND WHO WAS -?" then Vernon walked into the room, pulling on his knickers. Sirius was trying to hurry out, I suppose. I never even thought about what would happen in the morning. Just the drinking, then possibly passing out, and it ended there. Gah. It's my fault. I cleaned it up with my wand though, so no problem there, except that Petunia shrieked every time I lifted my wand...

I'm not feeling too well. Then again, I don't think I've ever felt perfect to begin with. black being drunk is a funny thing, you know. And for any of you beasts out there, I'll have you know that the whole thing was just as friends. Don't even attempt to pull some bloody joke about it.

Anyway, I want to move away from the topic of drinking. Shouldn't we have our letters by now? I just want to know that I can get out of this house. My parents aren't around anymore. They're both off, doing their own things. So, I'm stuck with Petunia, who's always with Vernon, it seems. And this means that I'm either alone or getting yelled at. Ugh. It's just getting worse. Maybe I'll stay at the Leaky Cauldron until school starts up. I really don't think I can take another day of this.

I think I'll go to sleep now. And just ... I dunno. Try to ignore that when I wake up I'll still be having all the problems. Eh. Good night, everyone.

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